Did you miss me?

Back again.


Really not in great shape this weekend.


There are a lot of reasons for it: the new schedule, the new job, the truly awful human beings who comprise about 20% of the students I am teaching, the passing of the days, Holy Cross and their money-grubbing bursar's office, the coming of the colder, darker days, and complete loneliness and isolation in my relationships.


Yesterday my phone gave up the ghost and my laptop died.


My car has 335,000 miles on it and its entering its last days.


Sean is starting to lose it, mentally. We've all known for years that we'd hit that day at some point and it may be that we are here.


I don't feel well. This Summer was miserable - hot and unbearably muggy almost every day. I didn't get out and exercise.


My new work colleagues are unprepared and undertrained and that's grating.


And then there's ever growing raw and gnawing pull from the mistakes of the past, the lack of awareness in the past, the wrong guidance in the past, the annoyance of me in the past.


I am pulled to that brief sight of my shadowy alternate life. I am gutted by the thought of things that could have been.